I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
