GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Say something about gay babies.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
