Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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