Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
