I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
