The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
