whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
