...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
