Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
