also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
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