worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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