I can text with my tongue
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
