so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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