Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
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