She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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