the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
