if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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