One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
