lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
