One girl and one boy is just not enough.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
