U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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