I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Mom said you looked used
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Randomize
