My sheets look like a crime scene.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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