evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
