Plan B is the new Plan A
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
And then he peed in my hair
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