just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
