After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
