Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
