Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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