Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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