I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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