I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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