Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
