He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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