the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
