i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
