This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
