piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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