I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
