i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
