Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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