I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
