My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
