and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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