i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
