and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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