And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
