We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
