We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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