Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
